Working Through Discomfort by Settling In Your Body
I created this infographic to support my clients outside of our therapy sessions. This is a great practice for learning to move through difficult feelings. Remember to start slowly when dipping into discomfort; you may only take a few seconds in the beginning.
For those grappling with stress, anger, sorrow, and other uncomfortable emotions, settling in your body offers a profound way to reconnect with ourselves and foster healing. Settling, in this context, is more than grounding or becoming calm. It’s about learning to inhabit our bodies fully and safely—a process that can be challenging but deeply rewarding.
In My Grandmother's Hands, Resmaa Menakem’s perspective on trauma brings to light how much of our suffering and stress resides not only in the mind but within the physical body. Menakem’s work speaks to the embodied experience of trauma, especially intergenerational and racialized trauma, showing us that healing often starts in the body itself. Our bodies hold onto stress, fear, and memories of pain in ways that are often unconscious but that shape how we interact with the world. As Menakem points out, these bodily experiences are inherited and shared across generations, meaning they’re not just individual but also communal experiences.
The act of settling in the body is about creating a stable foundation from which we can address this stored pain and find resilience. By learning to recognize and soothe our physical responses to stress or fear, we begin to tap into the body’s resources for healing. This is especially important in a society where many of us are conditioned to live in a constant state of hypervigilance, often without realizing it.
How To Begin
Settling doesn’t mean forcing yourself into relaxation or ignoring the sensations that arise in your body. Instead, it’s about engaging with your body mindfully and compassionately, allowing whatever sensations emerge to be acknowledged and experienced without judgment. Menakem suggests simple practices that allow us to notice and ease tension (look at infographic above).
Menakem’s Perspective On Anger
One of the powerful aspects of Menakem’s approach is how he addresses the emotion of anger, particularly within the context of trauma. For many people, anger is often a response to systemic oppression, personal violations, or intergenerational wounds. Menakem acknowledges that anger is not inherently bad; it can be a vital signal that something is wrong, either in our lives or in the world. However, when anger becomes unresolved or unchecked, it can manifest as a physical and emotional block, keeping us from fully settling into our bodies.
Menakem talks about how anger, like other emotions, gets stored in the body, often becoming a chronic tension or tightness that shapes how we move through the world. Instead of repressing or ignoring anger, he encourages us to recognize it, feel it, and understand where it’s coming from. Settling, in this context, involves allowing ourselves to feel anger in the body and noticing how it affects us physically. This might manifest as clenching fists, tightness in the chest, or a racing heartbeat.
The Challenge of Settling in A Culture of Disembodiment
In modern society, we’re often encouraged to live in our heads and ignore our bodies. We’re conditioned to prioritize productivity, often at the expense of our well-being. For those who have experienced trauma, settling in the body can feel counterintuitive, even uncomfortable. The idea of dropping down from our thoughts into our physical sensations may feel foreign, yet it is one of the most direct routes to healing.
Menakem reminds us that the discomfort of settling is not a sign of failure but part of the journey. Our bodies have been conditioned to respond to perceived threats, even when they aren’t immediate. The process of settling helps rewire these automatic responses, allowing us to differentiate between real danger and past experiences that continue to linger in our minds and muscles.
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