Setting Holiday Boundaries
As the holiday season draws near, many of us feel a tug between the joy of togetherness and the pressure of tradition. We often find ourselves stretched thin, saying yes to every invitation, gift exchange, and family dinner—even if it leaves us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. In times like these, setting boundaries is one of the most powerful forms of self-care we can practice.
Nedra Glover Tawwab, therapist and author, reminds us that boundaries are not barriers but pathways to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. In her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, she shares that boundaries are "expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships." By learning to communicate our limits, we can avoid burnout, reduce resentment, and build a sense of peace during the busy holiday season.
Why Boundaries Matter
(Especially During the Holidays)
The holidays often come with unique pressures. Family gatherings, travel, shopping, and countless social obligations can make it easy to lose sight of our own needs. Many of us feel obligated to keep up with every tradition, meet every family expectation, and create the “perfect” holiday experience. But when we ignore our needs so that we can meet others' expectations, we feel anxious, exhausted, and resentful. When we feel these feelings our nervous system can become dysregulated. This can lead to shutdown and overwhelm.
Setting boundaries is an essential part of honoring ourselves and protecting our well-being. It’s a way of saying, “I respect myself, and I respect you enough to be clear about what I can and cannot do.” Healthy boundaries can help us enter the holiday season feeling balanced and empowered rather than overextended.
I’m taking family photos so I can’t make it over.
Tips for Setting Boundaries This Holiday Season
Here are some tips that can help you set gentle but firm boundaries to care for yourself:
Know Your Limits
Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you this season. What brings you joy? What feels overwhelming? By identifying your priorities and limits, you can make intentional choices about where to focus your time and energy.
Communicate Clearly and Kindly
When it comes to setting boundaries, clarity is key. Boundaries help us with clarity and communication. Also, note that you do not have to explain yourself to “soften things.” We can be clear and kind and stick with our boundaries.
Examples of setting boundaries:
Thank you for inviting me, but I won’t be able to make the party.
I need some quiet time to recharge, so I’ll join the family gathering after dinner.
I’d like to take my own car and meet you there.
I can’t eat xyz, but thank you.
I’d rather not talk about that, but how is xyz going?
I can join you and stay until 9pm, but then I will need to go home.
Practice Saying No Without Guilt
Saying no can feel uncomfortable, especially when it involves loved ones. Remember, saying no to one thing allows you to say yes to things that genuinely matter to you. And it’s okay to take care of yourself too.
Not everyone will understand or accept your boundaries right away. Some people may react with confusion, disappointment, or even pushback. That’s okay. Boundaries are about protecting your well-being, not controlling others’ reactions. Tawwab encourages us to remember that “you cannot force people to accept your boundaries, but you can enforce them.”
Boundaries are a Love Letter
to Ourselves
Boundaries may not always be easy to set, but they are ultimately acts of love and self-respect. This holiday season, consider the power of boundaries as a gift you give yourself. By honoring your needs, you can find more peace, presence, and genuine joy in the moments that truly matter. As therapist and author Brene Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Sometimes we need to think about our mental health before we let go of our boundaries to please others.
So, as you prepare for this holiday season, remember: you have permission to prioritize yourself, to say no when you need to, and to create space for what brings you peace.
Navigating Political Conversations
Post-Election
For many, political talk can be an emotionally charged topic—especially after an election. If you're heading into family gatherings feeling wary or stressed about political discussions, know that setting boundaries around these topics can help you protect your peace.
Here are some tips to gently sidestep or redirect political conversations during holiday gatherings:
Politely Redirect
If a family member brings up politics, try gently redirecting the conversation. You might say, “I know this is a big topic, but let’s catch up on how everyone is doing personally.” Alternatively, redirecting with a question like, “What’s something fun you’ve done recently?” can shift the focus back to neutral ground.Set Clear Boundaries
It’s okay to be direct if needed. If you are a political person and feel passionate about the subject you might say, “I have decided not to talk about politics this year.” You can also give a more neutral answer, “I’m not here to talk about politics today— I’d love to know more about how you are doing.”Have a Plan
Going into gatherings with a prepared response can make you feel more comfortable. Think of a phrase or two you feel comfortable using, and don’t hesitate to repeat it if necessary. This can make it easier to respond calmly in the moment, reducing the stress of feeling put on the spot. You can also decide how long you want to stay before you go.Take a Break
If political talk starts to dominate the gathering despite your efforts, give yourself permission to step away. A quick walk, a breath of fresh air, or a few minutes in a quiet room can help you recharge and avoid getting pulled into a discussion you’d rather not have.
I hope this information is helpful and you have a wonderful holiday!
Disclaimer: The content provided on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While I aim to provide helpful and accurate insights, this blog does not establish a therapeutic relationship or constitute personalized advice. Always consult with a licensed therapist or healthcare provider regarding your unique situation before implementing any suggestions shared in this blog.
