When the Body Says No
Understanding the Link Between Trauma, Stress, and Chronic Pain
Your body carries a quiet wisdom, speaking gently before it becomes louder. But in a world that rewards pushing through, staying productive, and ignoring discomfort, we often don’t hear it until we are managing chronic symptoms. Dr. Gabor Maté calls this moment when the body says no—when it can no longer compensate for unprocessed stress, trauma, or emotional pain- and instead, it manifests in chronic illness, pain, and burnout.
As a therapist, I see this a lot. I work with people who have spent their lives meeting expectations, keeping the peace, and putting others first—until their bodies intervene. Maybe it's migraines that won’t go away, panic attacks, chronic fatigue, or pelvic pain. The questions I encourage them to ask are: What am I feeling? What is my body trying to tell me?
The Science: How Trauma and Stress Shape the Body
Experts in trauma and somatic symptoms have shown that chronic stress doesn’t just impact our mood—it physically changes the body. When we experience ongoing stress or unhealed trauma, our nervous system can get stuck in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. Over time, this chronic activation takes a toll on our immune system, hormone balance, and pain sensitivity, making us more vulnerable to illness and inflammation.
Dr. Gabor Maté emphasizes how our stress responses, like the release of adrenaline and cortisol, were once essential for survival. In the past, these “fight or flight” reactions helped us escape immediate dangers—like being chased by a bear—and then our bodies would return to a state of calm.
But in modern life, the stress response is often triggered over and over by ongoing pressures—work, relationships, health issues—without the time or space for recovery. When we’re constantly under stress, especially if we don’t recognize it or have support to process it, the nervous system can remain activated for far too long. That prolonged state of activation can lead to wear and tear on the body, contributing to chronic conditions like fatigue, pain, autoimmune illness, and digestive issues.
Dr. Dan Siegel’s research shows that unresolved emotional pain can disrupt the brain’s ability to regulate both emotions and physical sensations. This lack of “neural integration” makes it harder for the body to stay balanced and can increase pain sensitivity and inflammation. Similarly, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk reminds us that trauma isn’t just something we “get over” cognitively. The body often remembers what the mind has tried to forget. Muscles can stay tense. The nervous system can stay on high alert. And symptoms can show up as chronic pain, illness, or fatigue.
Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician and former Surgeon General of California, has done groundbreaking work on how early adversity affects long-term health. Her research, particularly on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), reveals the lasting impact trauma can have on the body. Childhood trauma can leave deep physiological imprints—disrupting hormone regulation, increasing inflammation, and making the body more vulnerable to chronic illness, even decades later.
However, Dr. Burke Harris also emphasizes that healing is possible. She highlights the importance of certain practices in supporting recovery, noting:
“Sleep, mental health, healthy relationships, exercise, nutrition, and mindfulness—we saw in our patients that these six things were critical for healing.”
These practices aren’t just essential for managing stress—they also help rebuild physical and emotional resilience. The good news is that healing is within reach. By focusing on these areas, you can begin to regain control over your health and well-being.
Listening to Your Body with Compassion
Recognizing the connection between stress, trauma, and chronic pain is the first step. But what can you do about it? Here are some gentle, supportive ways to begin healing:
Practice Self-Compassion
Instead of judging your body for its pain or limitations, try asking: What do you need from me? Treat yourself the way you would a dear friend—with kindness, patience, and curiosity.
Regulate Your Nervous System
Breathwork, grounding techniques, and gentle movement (like yoga or somatic therapy) can help calm an overactive nervous system and reduce stress-related symptoms. In therapy, we can explore what helps your body feel safe, grounded, and supported.
Gain Insight into Your Patterns
Sometimes, our stress responses are reinforced by deeply rooted patterns and core beliefs—like “I have to do it all,” or “rest means I’m lazy.” Therapy can help you identify these unconscious narratives, understand where they came from, and gently shift the way you relate to yourself and the world. With insight comes the freedom to choose new ways of being.
Set Boundaries That Honor Your Needs
If your body is saying no (fatigue, headaches, stomach aches, etc.) but you find yourself saying yes, it may be time to reassess your commitments. Learning to say no without guilt is an essential part of healing.
Seek Safe, Supportive Relationships
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Having a space where you can show up authentically—whether with a therapist, a close friend, or a support group—can be profoundly regulating for your nervous system. Therapy offers a safe relationship where your emotions, history, and pain are honored and held with care.
Reframe Rest as Productive
In a culture that glorifies busyness, rest can feel indulgent. But your body heals when it rests. Think of slowing down not as giving up, but as creating space for recovery, integration, and healing.
Your Body Wants You to Heal
I love this reminder: Your body wants to heal.
When we’re living with chronic pain or illness, it’s easy to feel betrayed by our bodies. But pain is often your body’s way of protecting you and asking for attention—not punishment. With the right support, you can begin to listen more deeply and respond with compassion. You can begin to rebuild trust with your body.
Therapy can be a powerful part of that process. Exploring how stress, emotions, and past experiences are held in the body can help you better understand the patterns and beliefs that might be unknowingly contributing to chronic stress. I work collaboratively with doctors and physical therapists as part of a holistic approach to chronic pain and illness. Together, we can address the emotional roots while supporting your physical healing.
So, today, I invite you to pause. Check in.
What is your body trying to tell you?
