Neurodivergence & New Year Resolutions

Finding Your Own Pace

As the new year begins, there's a familiar pressure that many of us feel—a pressure to set big, bold goals and start fresh with the promise of change. It’s a time for resolutions, for hitting the ground running, for "doing more, being better." But for many, especially those who are neurodivergent— whether we have ADHD/ADD, autism, dyslexia, or other neurodiverse traits—the pressure to meet these societal expectations can feel overwhelming, and often, it can become a source of stress rather than inspiration.

This is where we can bring in a sense of compassion and understanding. We recognize that neurodivergence can make the typical approaches to goal-setting feel unachievable. And it’s okay to have a brain that isn’t “typical.” In fact, it’s natural. It’s just how the neurodivergent brain works.

The Pressure to Perform

We live in a world that emphasizes productivity. There’s a constant drumbeat of messages telling us we must hustle, check things off the list, and “do more” to be seen as successful. This can be exhausting for any of us, and especially challenging for neurodivergent individuals, whose brains may function in ways that don’t align with the conventional idea of what productivity should look like. For example, getting started on a project can feel like trying to move a mountain. Then, staying on task or transitioning between tasks might seem like an insurmountable hurdle. And when things don’t go according to plan, the shame and frustration can pile on, making it even harder to move forward. What can we do?

Shifting Our Perspective:
Dr. Megan Neff's Insights on Self-Compassion

Dr. Megan Neff, a psychologist and advocate for neurodivergence, has done incredible work highlighting the importance of self-compassion for people with ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions. Dr. Neff shares that neurodivergent traits are not flaws or failures. Rather, these traits are part of how your brain works and deserve to be understood and accepted with kindness. When we approach our goals with self-compassion we allow ourselves to be more flexible. It’s about recognizing that we are doing our best.

Dr. Neff shares that the neurodivergent brain is motivated by interest, not importance. Below are examples of motivators such as interest, play, hurry (urgency), novelty, and challenge (PINCH).

Does PINCH resonate with you? 

Another shift in perspective:
The Power of “How We Do Things”

KC Davis, creator of StruggleCare, offers a wonderful resource for those who struggle with executive function (self-regulating skills that help us get things done) and the demands of daily life. Through StruggleCare, KC emphasizes that “how we do things” is more important than “what we do.”

KC’s work focuses on making everyday tasks like cleaning, organizing, and managing life’s responsibilities feel less overwhelming and more in line with one’s natural rhythm. She encourages us to look at our routines with curiosity rather than frustration and to create systems that align with our needs instead of forcing ourselves into rigid, one-size-fits-all expectations.

This approach is especially helpful during the new year when we might feel the need to make dramatic changes all at once. Instead of trying to overhaul everything, KC’s philosophy invites us to think about small, sustainable steps that match our personal pace. It’s about creating systems that support us where we are, not where society thinks we should be. For example, KC suggests starting with three things if you are cleaning your home and feel overwhelmed: Always start with trash, dishes laundry, and then a pile for I know where it goes and I don’t know where it goes. Below is a video that KC shares to help people who struggle with figuring out where to start.

The Frustration Is Real, But So Is Your Strength

It’s important to remember that neurodivergence doesn’t need to be seen as a roadblock. Instead, it can be a reminder that your path might look different, but it’s still a valid and valuable path. It’s okay to ask for help, to create more gentle goals, or to change the pace. The roadblocks are real, but so is your ability to navigate them in a way that honors your unique brain and body.

As you step into the new year, consider how to make space for yourself and your needs. Embrace self-compassion by acknowledging your wants and needs, adjusting your goals, and celebrating the small wins. It’s not about how fast you go or how much you can tick off your list—it’s about making a goal that feels right for you and progressing at a pace that feels right for you. You don’t need to keep up with anyone else’s timeline. You are doing enough, exactly as you are.

Maybe a resolution for this year is to practice compassion for yourself and to honor what your brain and body need rather than what you think you should do.